By paddloPayday loans

One Look

When I sit and think too much
The terror sets in
Fear that what I have
Is all I’ll ever get
And never a moment more

They tell me to stay positive
But they don’t feel
The constant pain
Of separation
Of not being able to stay

Deep inside of my heart
I have found
A pool of strength
That keeps me
Able to face each new challenge

But I worry about a drought
Just how much
Can I bear
And will I find
A place to replenish my soul

And then I feel it
A moment of peace
Within my reach
At just the time
When I cannot go without

Copyright 1998
Debra Chaffins
All Rights Reserved

Silently I scream
My mind a jumble of concepts
So close to enlightenment
Nearer to madness
Stricken mute

One word would start this
One utterance of breath
But who would understand
The avalanche waiting within
Gathering momentum

Myself a hermit
Closing further within
Nothing to notice from the outside
Yet I am a white hot sun
Approaching implosion

Eventually you stop asking
An the calm belies the turmoil
Easily masked and denied
It’s easiest to ignore
Thus, abortion
I exist

Copyright 1998
Debra Chaffins
All Rights Reserved

I hug her and she looks up at me.
I see fourteen years in her face.
I see fourteen years of stored up love
As the fantasy of the other mother
Is realized in a different form

Her face is like an open book
But it’s a language I do not know.
The eyes say that I know you
But the secrets the years have created
Are hidden from me for now.

Her eyes hold years of questions
Of where and why and who
Asking for me to understand
That the words are not yet ready
The answers not yet wanted

She looks at me and her eyes plead
To stay, thumb stay longer, approved
stay for always
Her look says hold me tight
Never let me go again
How do I tell her I’m never far

Copyright 1998
Debra Chaffins
All Rights Reserved

She makes my heart sing, healthful
I look at her and am amazed.
This is what I always dreamed, more about
that I would know, allergy
looking into the face of my daughter.

She makes my heart soar,
I feel at last whole, complete.
This is what I always prayed,
that I would know
what happiness finding her would bring.

She makes my heart dance,
Her eyes so filled with love.
This is what I always hoped,
that I would know,
if given but just half a chance.

Copyright 1998
Debra Chaffins
All Rights Reserved

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